tough love

My 22 year old son is making bad choices. He was using drugs and found out where that got him real quick. He says he wants to change his life around now but he doesnt want to do anything. He wants it done for him. His girlfriend and I have been doing what we can but he doesnt follow through with anything. There is always an excuse and its never his fault. He cries to me cuz he has no place to go because he has burnt every bridge. He cant live with me because I dont trust him. I have been trying to get him in to detox but like I said, no follow through. I’m fed up and heart broken. I’m angry. This is not what I want for him. He is handsome, smart, he has an awesome personality and it’s all going to waste. All I can do is pray.

I wish I would have listened

Nearly everything any of my elders ever told me ended up being true including the fact that I would wish that I would have listened. I have made a list of those lessons that i have researched and tested and came to the conclusion that my parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, teachers, ministers, friends of the family, police officers, and probation officers were right:

  1. Dont mess up your credit
  2. Be your own person
  3. Exercise and eat right
  4. Be on time for work
  5. Keep your word
  6. Try not to expect things from others
  7. It’s never as bad as it seems
  8. You will get over him
  9. Just because you have a good reason for it doesn’t make it okay
  10. Life is short
  11. Practice pays off
  12. If it seems to good to be true then it probably is

These are just a handful, I am going to continue to add to this list. If you have one you would like to add just leave a comment. (Yes I am aware that I have less than 5 followers. It’s okay, I wanted to start out very slow because really I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m just learning as I go and this is just a new little hobby for me.)

Intimidated No More

I’ve been hesitant to post anything because I have been feeling a little intimidated by all of you expert bloggers here. I’ve been reading your posts and got stuck in my tracks, feeling like I can’t measure up. But I realize that is just silly for me to think that way so I’ve rebooted my mindset. I’ve decided to get rid of all self-doubt and I’m going to post what I want to post no matter how trivial, boring, or bizarre it may be. Worrying what others think has hindered me throughout my life, I’m tired of living that way. It’s prevented me from finding myself, getting to really know who Catrina is. I’m really excited to find out and this is where I’m going to start, I’m 43, it’s about dang time! Now I just need to overcome another obstacle which is what to write about….I love feedback and suggestions are welcomed.

i think this is exactly what i was searching for

I’ve been looking for a website for a few years. I wasn’t really even sure what kind of website, just a place on the internet where I could feel comfortable, I could express myself, be myself, meet and interact with others if so desires, learn about random topics, get feedback from total strangers, etc. It was just a few months ago that I narrowed it down to a blogging website. I have searched so many others, even registered at some, but I think I have found WordPress to be the one.

my first post

Well I’ve never done this before so please be patient. I am a single 43 year old woman. I work the graveyard shift at a hotel so I have a lot of time to think which I do too much of anyway. I overthink and I hate it. I’m a Scorpio if that means anything to anyone. So I guess I will talk about my day. I spent a lot of it arguing back and forth via text message with my six year old son’s father. (I have two children, both boys ages 6 and 22). He has custodial custody and wants me to have sex with him twice a week in order for me to see my son. Obviously I need to take him to court to get this straightened out because I’m pretty sure a judge is not going to agree with an arrangement like that. However, getting in front of the judge is going to take some time and that means I wait until then to see my son so this I am bummed about. His father has his life together much more than I do which I am in the process of changing but it takes time. He also has much more money and much more family support. All I can do is try and hope for the best. As long as I’m doing the next right thing consistently I shouldn’t have much of a problem. I’m angry and kind of depressed. I miss my son. I haven’t had much of a chance to really be a mom to him because of these games his dad keeps playing. I admit the first three years were my own fault. I was behaving irresponsibly drinking and using. Now that I’m changing that and trying to rebuild my life he keeps putting these barriers in front of me and sees nothing wrong with it. I work full time and pay child support every month and I don’t engage in the type of activity I was before but this isn’t enough for him, now I need to be sleeping with him??? I just don’t think it’s right. More later…..